After last night, I could never be a politician.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
