Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
did i walk over a car last night?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
