don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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