Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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