Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
