When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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