Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
