i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
