She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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