Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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