Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
