I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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