Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
