i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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