he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
