2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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