So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
