In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
