They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize