Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
