I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
