Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
