Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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