Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
