At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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