I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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