Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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