at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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