I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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