i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
