Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
