I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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