is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
