It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
false alarm, still single
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