this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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