Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
