I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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