I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize