I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize