You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
we should paint friendship bongs
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize