That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
