im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
