So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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