guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
