Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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