He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize