I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We left the knife in your bed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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