i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize