she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
