So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
