Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
