mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
