did you get engaged???
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
