I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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