I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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