God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
