dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
