he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
