My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
