Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
