last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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