An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
