dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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